i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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