I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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