You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
