she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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