the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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