Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
