i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
