Pants 0. Shit 1.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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