Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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