Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
