I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
