i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So squirting runs in the family.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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