New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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