I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
