at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
