I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I look better un-naked...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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