what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
