i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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