don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
no, he came in my armpit
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
