My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
