Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
