You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
how drunk are you?
Several
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