How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
