wat bout pragnant strippers??
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
