dude i'm inner monologue high
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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