it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
