I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am one with the molecules
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
