i just wanna soil my oats bro
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
