you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
