your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
