He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
