I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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