remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
