so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
