I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
