There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
