it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
