I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
