It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
