How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
