is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
