I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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