I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
