The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
