So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
