My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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