This dress was meant to end up on your floor
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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