just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
