You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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