I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
