Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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