Heybabeimwearingurpanties
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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