the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
