She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
